alice: ([HOUSE] can be jerk 2 ppl i hvnt slept w)
2013-04-11 08:28 pm

[sticky] It's been fun, lurch!

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alice: ([art] raoul duke & totoro)
2011-05-23 11:05 pm
Entry tags:

[public] Anonymous confession comments!

Alright, I'm hopping on the bandwagon with this "anonymous meme" thing.

Leave me an anonymous comment on this entry. It can be anything; a confession of sorts, a random story, a tip, a funny picture, or just some stupid drama.

Click on "more options" when you post to comment anonymously, or select the "anonymous" option before you comment.

Comments are not screened. Anonymous comment posting is allowed on this entry. IP logging is turned off. There is a possibility of a reply from me. This entry will always be public so feel free to leave more than one comment or just spam the shit out of it.
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-05-05 01:57 am
Entry tags:

new eljayy

woohoo.
i was sick of the old one.
sick of the drama.
this one is all blank and stuff. :]
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-05-03 11:33 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

i know exactly where i want to be.
i know exactly where i want to be:
in your bed, lying dead.
will that get your attention sweetie!?
fresh cut wrists and still clenched fists.
am i messing up your sheets?
well, i'll be gone soon.
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-05-02 11:11 pm

(no subject)

AM I THE ONLY ONE HAVING PROBLEMS GETTING LJ TO LOAD?!

I don't know whats up with me lately, but I feel so irratable. I just keep getting irritated at everyone for anything at all.

My relationship with Andrew seems to be on the rocks. I don't know if he realizes it or not, or if he even thinks that. Knowing him, he probably thinks everything is fine. We always seem mad at each other. I don't know what's happened. I think there have been little things/triggers that have happened that has put a strain on our relationship. First it was me hugging Elliott, then it was him drinking, me going to prom, him yelling at me before prom, and whatever else. I feel a lot differently than I did before. I lost a lot of respect for him when he told me he drank that beer. It might've been one beer, but it still meant something to me. Maybe everyone thinks I overreacted, but I felt betrayed, lied to. It hurt my feelings, made me lose my trust in him, and now I seem to always be irritated at him. Why do I feel so irriated at him? I can't even look at him the same and that bothers me. I held so much respect for him not drinking, I actually kind of bragged about it. I was proud that he didn't do that anymore. It bothered me when he drank before. Now I feel like he doesn't like me as much as he did. We used to just randomly say "I Love You" all the time. For a while, it annoyed the hell out of me because I didn't feel like he meant it, but then he kept saying it and I finally began to believe it and it made me happy. We only say it when we leave each other or we get off the phone. While I was sitting on the phone, I kept thinking of asking him if he still liked me or not. I felt dumb asking it, so I didn't. Sometimes I feel like he does and then other times I feel like I'm in the way or that he couldn't care less if I was around. I usually mostly feel like he doesn't care. And that's just as of late. He says he does, but we don't seem to be able to talk to each other. Maybe I'm just going through a phase and this is going along with me being sad all the time. Maybe something really is wrong, I don't know.
alice: pinky (boybriefs)
2006-04-30 06:57 pm
Entry tags:

SENIOR PROM / PUPPY kthnx

edit: fucking pictures arent working. i'll fix this peice of shit later. goddamn.

Hibriten's Senior/Junior 2006 Prom was yesterday. I went with David. While on our way out to take pictures in my FFFFFFFFFFFugly yard, Andrew called and bitched to me about my entry below this one. Needless to say, I yelled/screamed/cursed/etc in front of my mom, dad, David, David's mom, and her boyfriend. If my Nanny had been there, more than likely I would have just told him to fuck off and hungup on him. He pissed me off beyond belief and I'm seriously surprised that I'm even talking to him right now. This arguing and assuming shit has GOT to fucking stop before I call it quits. Anyway, after that huge embarassment, we went outside and snapped a few pictures. My nanny came down a few minutes later with the puppy that this lady had offered her. Its (supposed) to be a miniature beagle. She's so cute. She was overfed yesterday and was flipping fat as hell and had a tummyache. She whines a lot and she loves following us around. My dad wanted a dog to breed his meanass dog, so bleh. We left my house and went to HHS for pictures and to wait for Prom to start. David remembered he forgot the tickets at his house and we had to go back to his house and get them. Then on the way back to HHS, I remembered that I forgot my ID, so when we go to HHS I called my mom and she brought it. We had pictures taken. They were pretty lame. They made us stand like we were dating or something, like with us holding hands. Seriously, people do no fucking listen. I think I blinked too. Wow, I probably ruined a $65 set of photos, eh. We sat outside the school and waited on Prom to start. This girl I was in chorus named Tiffany came up. David reminded her who I was and she remembered me. She said that when she saw me she thought that David had brought some twenty year old with him or something. We stood outside for freaking ever, I froze my tush off. We were like maybe the third couple inside. David didn't know he had to reserve a table, so he didn't and they sat us randomly at a table. We were sat at a table with Andy, Anna, Lindsay, Ryan (I can't remember his last name, but he's Lindsay's boyfriend), and Channing. We smuggled Ahmad over to our table too. They had random little things to eat and I ate the BIGGEST strawberry ever yesterday. It was like the size of an apple, I swearrr! There were a bunch of people who remembered me. Even Mr. Spicer remembered me. I saw Elliott there and go a picture with him. Saw Taylor too. And Eric. I mainly just hungout with Ahmad and David. And unlike most of the kids there, instead of going to an after party (even though we were invited to like 4359437 million and offered rides) and getting plastered, David and I went back to his house and watched Narnia and I stayed the night. Yep, thats pretty much it. I didn't take that many pictures. :\ I wanted to take pictures of the decorations, but they were practically just tinfoil.

edit2: I'm too lazy to actually link the pictures with little captions. All of the prom photos are located here. I'll upload the puppy ones next time.
alice: pinky (mandy!)
2006-04-29 02:07 pm

i dont think i care anymore.

I hate how we have different priorities in our lives. We have different goals and different futures. I actually want to do something with my life, I don't want to make $8/hr. I want to be able to have the things that I want in life. I want to be able to afford the things I need. I don't want to be like my family and worry about bills and groceries, whether or not we're going to have lights this month or if we're going to be fed. I don't think I'm a bad person for wanting the best in life. I don't think I should be sorry for wanting to go to college and get away from this place. I'm not sorry and I hate to say it, but I don't care what you think about that. If you can't deal with me wanting to go to school and make something out of my life, then you don't support me and I'll leave you behind just like everyone else. I don't want to be like these stupid teenagers that I've seen who think they're going to be eighteen forever, who think they'll be able to live with their parents for the rest of their lives without paying bills, who go out and get plastered every weekend, who smoke crack and weed, who just deal with what they have and don't do anything about their problems. I don't want to live here. I don't want to live with my parents. I hate drinking, its stupid. Intoxication is a waste of fucking time. Kill your fucking body all you want to. I don't care. Waste your life. Sit in a stupid hellhole for the rest of your life. Work the same low paying job for the rest of your life. Drive an ugly peice of crap that'll barely get you to work or to your stupid parties. Spend all of your money on booze, shows, and crack. You only get one fucking life, one body, and if you screw those things up, you're fucked for the rest of your life. My life has been fucked enough, I want to make the most out of my life. I want an education. I don't want to live in Lenoir. I want to go to college and have a career vs a job. I want to be able to buy my own fucking house, my own fucking car, and be able to not have to worry about if my paycheck is going to go to bills or feeding me this week. I don't want to waste my life away. I don't want to work in a grocery store for the rest of my life. Is that so bad? Am I so horrible because I actually have goals? And what makes me so bad that I don't agree with alcohol or drugs? No one has any fucking logic nowadays, I have finally figured that out. I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm better off alone.
alice: pinky (boybriefs)
2006-04-28 11:58 pm

hello fucking depression!!!111lolzzzzZzzzzz

I'm so fucking depressed. I don't even feel like talking about it. I just don't feel good enough. I don't feel good enough for Andrew or for anyone. I sat in my room after I got off the phone with Andrew and cried for a good fifteen or twenty minutes. Awesome, right? I have so many doubts about my relationship with Andrew and about my future that its driving me nuts. I can't take much more of this. In fact, at 11:11 when I usually make one of my "wishes" (because I'm a fucking dork) I wished that I would really die tomorrow. Wow, I need some fucking Prozaccc! Ha, I've pretty much failed at life.

Prom is tomorrow. David is coming to get me at six and our mom's are going to take pictures of us out in my lovely redneck yard. And then we're going to go to Hibriten at 7:15 to have our pictures professionally taken. His mom and my mom are splitting a picture set thing. Then I guess we're going to chill until prom starts at 8:30. Prom ends at around midnight and we're going to go back to his house to watch movies and pig out on pizza. I think I'll probably stay over.

We're getting a female miniature beagle puppy tomorrow. Woooooo!
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-04-26 03:23 pm
Entry tags:

shame shame.

I want a website again. I started making a layout at 2AM. I want a graphic portfolio. Mmmhm. I need to find a good free host.
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-04-25 01:28 pm

(no subject)

Andrew came by yesterday in his mom's car. :]] We went to Walmart and to Food Lion. Things between us were rough on Sunday. I'm not going to talk about that on here, though. I talked about it on my private livejournal.

I had my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed today for prom. We stopped by Fashionbug to look at their purses and necklaces. They had this bulky, white purse that I thought about getting, but mehh. It was too big. I got this necklace and some earrings, though.

I upset mom on the way home. I told her about what I told Andrew on the phone the other night that made him really upset. He was talking about how on Saturday he was going to have to sit and worry about boys hitting on me and such. And I added in that I would probably die too. She got really upset and yelled at me. She told me that she didn't want me to go now. ha.

I still haven't talked to David about prom. I'll call him after he gets off of school. I think mom is wanting to go see Grandma Edna. She was put in the Frye Hospital yesterday. She had a fever and they didn't know what was wrong with her. I might go with her. I don't know.
alice: pinky (peace)
2006-04-23 10:21 pm
Entry tags:

Tonight its worse, tonight the screaming hurts.

Okay. This is just going to be a small rant/peice of shit. Whatever.Read more... )
alice: pinky (mandy!)
2006-04-23 12:42 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

"In loving someone, you worship them like a deity and it hurts, a lot, to the point that in trying to show love and show tribute to someone you're stretching and reaching. It becomes an unhealthy worship and you'll bow out unfaithfully in the end" - Daryl Palumbo
alice: pinky (boybriefs)
2006-04-21 12:50 pm
Entry tags:

bakkk bakk bakkkkk.

Plans with Caro = :[.
Its not happening. FUCKING RAIN. FUCKING PROMS.

I'm hungryyy. I had the most yummy salad everrrr yesterday from Mcdonalds. I wish I wasn't poor and I had a drivers license. I would have another one.

I guuuuesssss Andrew is going to get his mom to bring him down here since his car is much-o fucked-o. I'm so clever. Anyway, yeah. Maybe go see Silent Hill! Maybe not! I have no idea!

I have to call my gyenocologist to schedule an appointment on Monday. Why the fuck are they open from Monday through Thursday!? What's wrong with Friday!!

I need employment.

My dad was looking at random cars online today because that's just how he rolls. And I saw a super duper pretty awesome sextastic Super Nova. They wanted like thirty-something thousand for it and I told my dad he should get that for my birthday. 8) He pretty much replied, "Oh yeah, I'm so going to cash my checks for a year just to buy you a car like that that you will probably wreck. :DD~" Pshhhk.

Bleh.
alice: pinky (mandy!)
2006-04-20 11:26 am

hm.

Andrew and I got into a car accident yesterday. I'm lazy, so I'm not going into details, but this guy started turning in the turning lane while we were like right on him. He was an old guy with an old lady in a truck. No one was hurt, but Andrew's driver door won't really open and his alignment is fucked. He's hoping that its totaled. He wants a new car. It reminded us both of a Dane Cook joke because these people would come out of their houses to look at the wreck. Seriously, the people in the apartments across the road came out and sat on their stoop and people in cars just randomly stopped to check on the old people. Oh well.

Prom is next weekend. I don't have all of the stuff I want yet. I still want a purse, some jewelry, and my eyebrows done. Not too much, I guess. I haven't talked to David. I still don't know how we're getting there. lmao. Awesome, eh?

I'm probably going to stay the day up at Nanny's.

Secretive plans with Carolina start tomorrow. ;]

Man, I need a license.. Who wants to take me to a parkinglot to practice??! :p
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-04-17 11:28 pm

(no subject)

So it rained for like two fucking seconds. We went to the park anyway. It was fun. Yes, it was fun. Andrew thinks its fucking retarded, but whatever. So what. I had f-u-n. He's fucking mad at me because I gave Elliott a hug. He's always fucking mad at me. Everyone is always fucking mad at me. I can't do anything right for anyone. I don't see the fucking point in doing anything for anyone anymore. Fuck it.
alice: pinky (boybriefs)
2006-04-17 11:25 am

believe me when i say i love you angel because i do but accidents will happen and they do.

I'm hungry. God, what I would do for a pizza. I guess I could warm up some Easter ham from yesterday. But I want pizza. like. so. bad.

I waxed my underarms the other day. The left one has been raw ever since then and I had to tape it up so that it wouldn't touch my shirt or anything because it hurt. :[ Its not as sore. I have a few stray hairs that I have to pluck with tweezers, though. Oh well. HOPEFULLY, it'll last until prom. I hated doing it by myself, I think I made it hurt worse than it should.

I'm waiting on Andrew to call me from his break at work. Blah blah blah. Went to his house yesterday. I was seriously in the worst mood ever and he was being an annoying little butthole. He pinched, hit, poked, etc. I have bruises on my thighs from him pinching me. Pshhh. We came back to my house early, argued on the way to the store, and stayed quiet the rest of the ride to my house. He always feels the need to pick at me over Elliott. Like I'm seriously going to let something happen with Elliott. I barely know Elliott anymore. I don't think that Andrew trusts me at all. That upsets me because he has no reason to not trust me. Bahh, whatever.

I'm hanging out with Elliott today. He IMed me on AIM last night pretty much being like, "we're hanging out tomorrow." I just said okay and gave directions to my house. I'm the worst person ever to get directions from. I don't think we even know what we're going to do. I suggested the park, but I think its too hot out. Fuck that, its raining. Either way, neither of us has money. I told mom I was hanging out with him today and she got all worried. What in the hell? She was like, "does Andrew approve of this?" Uhhh. Well, he said I could, so I guess he approves. But then again, he told me that I had to call him before I left and while we were out. And then she went in to tell me that she would be gone all day (Nanny has surgery today) and that dad might not be home. She acted like I'm going to do something with Elliott. I guess no one trusts me, right? God, if I tell you that I'm not going to do something, I'm not going to do it! People seem to think I'm so darn horrible. I've never cheated on anyone, I don't intend to start now. Nothing is going to happen.
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-04-13 10:32 pm

fuck hips, fuck weight, fuck sizes, fuck fuck fuck.

Tonight's episode of CSI: sucked. Seriously. Travis Barker was made out to be a fucking rapper and it looked retarded. I only seen him like twice. WHAT THE FUCK. Poop on that.

Andrew came over. :DDDDD~ We hungout here until mom went to get the pizza and then went to Nanny's. We ate and then went to Food Lion to get me more yogurt. We went back up to Nanny's to put it in her fridge because I didn't have a key. Leasa and Gail were still up there and while on the way out the back door, Leasa asked me what size clothes I wear and acted like it was a huge fucking deal when I said seven. I just went out the door without hearing most of it, but whatever. Mom says that she was just saying that that was little (yeah right, whatever. the last time you saw me, you flat out asked me if i had tried dieting yet and that i should stop eating sweets/fastfood/etc) and that she hadn't been that size since 1990-something. Okay, whatever. Fuck her. Seriously, I hate her and Gail both. That might be horrible to the people that don't know them, but yeah. Jessie knows that I'm fucking talking about. They're both fat cows and have no room to talk about anything. I get my feelings hurt too damn often and it hurts even more when people agree with my horrible opinions on my body. Yeah, I think I'm fat. Yeah, I want to start dieting and stop eating shit. Yeah, that's why I stopped drinking softdrinks. Yeah, that's why I walk around hungry when I think I don't deserve to eat or that I've eaten too much. What the fuck ever.

I wish there was a way to shrink my pelvis. I seriously have "baby-making" hips. That's so fucking gross. Does Alice want kids? No. My hips are going to waste, so who wants to trade?

Getting my eyebrows done tomorrow. I guess I could ask Paula about if my underarm hair is long enough. That wax ripped off one of those skin tag things that I have. ha.
alice: pinky (boybriefs)
2006-04-13 02:14 pm

(no subject)

Today's my little brother's 13th birthday. He got Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, some VideoNow games/movies, Nintendo DS, Animal Crossing: Wild World, a DS accessory kit thing, and some clothes.

I attempted to wax my right underarm. The hair isn't really long enough, so it just made a big mess and made my armpit sticky. The hair has to be 1/4" long. Goddamn.

I bought this cute little thing of eyeshadow that had yellow, green, and orange in it. I thought it would be good for prom in case the makeup I ordered off of eBay doesn't arrive in time. The shit is coming from HongKong, wtf.

Andrew is on his way up here. :DD CSI: is tonight and Travis Barker is on it! Pizza&cake at nanny's around five-ish for Billy's birthday. :]
alice: pinky (Default)
2006-04-13 12:51 pm
Entry tags:

OH MY GODDDD.

BRAND NEW IS COMING TO TREMONT MUSIC HALL, CHARLOTTE ON JUNE 24!!!!

i must go.
i must i must i must i muuuust.
please please please.