I've made mistakes. They keep me company. Oh man, what's up with me?
 
alice
alice
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Alice. 22. Tattooed. Pierced. Boring.

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Animation and animanga, Body modification, cooking, gardening / Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Highschool of the Dead, Paradise Kiss, Toukyou Akazukin / Adventure Time, Chowder, Fan Boy and Chum Chum, Good Eats, The Misadventures of Flapjack, Skins, Supernatural, Weeds / John Saul, Stephen King, Poppy Z. Brite, Chuck Palahniuk

April 2013
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alice [userpic]

[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy
new eljay!
[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy

alice [userpic]

i know exactly where i want to be.
i know exactly where i want to be:
in your bed, lying dead.
will that get your attention sweetie!?
fresh cut wrists and still clenched fists.
am i messing up your sheets?
well, i'll be gone soon.

Music I Am The Avalanche - My Second Restraining Order
Tags: !oh_arisu, !public, lyrics
alice [userpic]

AM I THE ONLY ONE HAVING PROBLEMS GETTING LJ TO LOAD?!

I don't know whats up with me lately, but I feel so irratable. I just keep getting irritated at everyone for anything at all.

My relationship with Andrew seems to be on the rocks. I don't know if he realizes it or not, or if he even thinks that. Knowing him, he probably thinks everything is fine. We always seem mad at each other. I don't know what's happened. I think there have been little things/triggers that have happened that has put a strain on our relationship. First it was me hugging Elliott, then it was him drinking, me going to prom, him yelling at me before prom, and whatever else. I feel a lot differently than I did before. I lost a lot of respect for him when he told me he drank that beer. It might've been one beer, but it still meant something to me. Maybe everyone thinks I overreacted, but I felt betrayed, lied to. It hurt my feelings, made me lose my trust in him, and now I seem to always be irritated at him. Why do I feel so irriated at him? I can't even look at him the same and that bothers me. I held so much respect for him not drinking, I actually kind of bragged about it. I was proud that he didn't do that anymore. It bothered me when he drank before. Now I feel like he doesn't like me as much as he did. We used to just randomly say "I Love You" all the time. For a while, it annoyed the hell out of me because I didn't feel like he meant it, but then he kept saying it and I finally began to believe it and it made me happy. We only say it when we leave each other or we get off the phone. While I was sitting on the phone, I kept thinking of asking him if he still liked me or not. I felt dumb asking it, so I didn't. Sometimes I feel like he does and then other times I feel like I'm in the way or that he couldn't care less if I was around. I usually mostly feel like he doesn't care. And that's just as of late. He says he does, but we don't seem to be able to talk to each other. Maybe I'm just going through a phase and this is going along with me being sad all the time. Maybe something really is wrong, I don't know.

alice [userpic]

I'm so fucking depressed. I don't even feel like talking about it. I just don't feel good enough. I don't feel good enough for Andrew or for anyone. I sat in my room after I got off the phone with Andrew and cried for a good fifteen or twenty minutes. Awesome, right? I have so many doubts about my relationship with Andrew and about my future that its driving me nuts. I can't take much more of this. In fact, at 11:11 when I usually make one of my "wishes" (because I'm a fucking dork) I wished that I would really die tomorrow. Wow, I need some fucking Prozaccc! Ha, I've pretty much failed at life.

Prom is tomorrow. David is coming to get me at six and our mom's are going to take pictures of us out in my lovely redneck yard. And then we're going to go to Hibriten at 7:15 to have our pictures professionally taken. His mom and my mom are splitting a picture set thing. Then I guess we're going to chill until prom starts at 8:30. Prom ends at around midnight and we're going to go back to his house to watch movies and pig out on pizza. I think I'll probably stay over.

We're getting a female miniature beagle puppy tomorrow. Woooooo!

alice [userpic]

I want a website again. I started making a layout at 2AM. I want a graphic portfolio. Mmmhm. I need to find a good free host.

alice [userpic]

Andrew came by yesterday in his mom's car. :]] We went to Walmart and to Food Lion. Things between us were rough on Sunday. I'm not going to talk about that on here, though. I talked about it on my private livejournal.

I had my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed today for prom. We stopped by Fashionbug to look at their purses and necklaces. They had this bulky, white purse that I thought about getting, but mehh. It was too big. I got this necklace and some earrings, though.

I upset mom on the way home. I told her about what I told Andrew on the phone the other night that made him really upset. He was talking about how on Saturday he was going to have to sit and worry about boys hitting on me and such. And I added in that I would probably die too. She got really upset and yelled at me. She told me that she didn't want me to go now. ha.

I still haven't talked to David about prom. I'll call him after he gets off of school. I think mom is wanting to go see Grandma Edna. She was put in the Frye Hospital yesterday. She had a fever and they didn't know what was wrong with her. I might go with her. I don't know.

alice [userpic]

Okay. This is just going to be a small rant/peice of shit. Whatever.Read more... )

alice [userpic]

"In loving someone, you worship them like a deity and it hurts, a lot, to the point that in trying to show love and show tribute to someone you're stretching and reaching. It becomes an unhealthy worship and you'll bow out unfaithfully in the end" - Daryl Palumbo

alice [userpic]

Plans with Caro = :[.
Its not happening. FUCKING RAIN. FUCKING PROMS.

I'm hungryyy. I had the most yummy salad everrrr yesterday from Mcdonalds. I wish I wasn't poor and I had a drivers license. I would have another one.

I guuuuesssss Andrew is going to get his mom to bring him down here since his car is much-o fucked-o. I'm so clever. Anyway, yeah. Maybe go see Silent Hill! Maybe not! I have no idea!

I have to call my gyenocologist to schedule an appointment on Monday. Why the fuck are they open from Monday through Thursday!? What's wrong with Friday!!

I need employment.

My dad was looking at random cars online today because that's just how he rolls. And I saw a super duper pretty awesome sextastic Super Nova. They wanted like thirty-something thousand for it and I told my dad he should get that for my birthday. 8) He pretty much replied, "Oh yeah, I'm so going to cash my checks for a year just to buy you a car like that that you will probably wreck. :DD~" Pshhhk.

Bleh.

alice [userpic]

Andrew and I got into a car accident yesterday. I'm lazy, so I'm not going into details, but this guy started turning in the turning lane while we were like right on him. He was an old guy with an old lady in a truck. No one was hurt, but Andrew's driver door won't really open and his alignment is fucked. He's hoping that its totaled. He wants a new car. It reminded us both of a Dane Cook joke because these people would come out of their houses to look at the wreck. Seriously, the people in the apartments across the road came out and sat on their stoop and people in cars just randomly stopped to check on the old people. Oh well.

Prom is next weekend. I don't have all of the stuff I want yet. I still want a purse, some jewelry, and my eyebrows done. Not too much, I guess. I haven't talked to David. I still don't know how we're getting there. lmao. Awesome, eh?

I'm probably going to stay the day up at Nanny's.

Secretive plans with Carolina start tomorrow. ;]

Man, I need a license.. Who wants to take me to a parkinglot to practice??! :p

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