I've made mistakes. They keep me company. Oh man, what's up with me?
 
alice
alice
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Alice. 22. Tattooed. Pierced. Boring.

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Animation and animanga, Body modification, cooking, gardening / Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Highschool of the Dead, Paradise Kiss, Toukyou Akazukin / Adventure Time, Chowder, Fan Boy and Chum Chum, Good Eats, The Misadventures of Flapjack, Skins, Supernatural, Weeds / John Saul, Stephen King, Poppy Z. Brite, Chuck Palahniuk

April 2013
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alice [userpic]

AM I THE ONLY ONE HAVING PROBLEMS GETTING LJ TO LOAD?!

I don't know whats up with me lately, but I feel so irratable. I just keep getting irritated at everyone for anything at all.

My relationship with Andrew seems to be on the rocks. I don't know if he realizes it or not, or if he even thinks that. Knowing him, he probably thinks everything is fine. We always seem mad at each other. I don't know what's happened. I think there have been little things/triggers that have happened that has put a strain on our relationship. First it was me hugging Elliott, then it was him drinking, me going to prom, him yelling at me before prom, and whatever else. I feel a lot differently than I did before. I lost a lot of respect for him when he told me he drank that beer. It might've been one beer, but it still meant something to me. Maybe everyone thinks I overreacted, but I felt betrayed, lied to. It hurt my feelings, made me lose my trust in him, and now I seem to always be irritated at him. Why do I feel so irriated at him? I can't even look at him the same and that bothers me. I held so much respect for him not drinking, I actually kind of bragged about it. I was proud that he didn't do that anymore. It bothered me when he drank before. Now I feel like he doesn't like me as much as he did. We used to just randomly say "I Love You" all the time. For a while, it annoyed the hell out of me because I didn't feel like he meant it, but then he kept saying it and I finally began to believe it and it made me happy. We only say it when we leave each other or we get off the phone. While I was sitting on the phone, I kept thinking of asking him if he still liked me or not. I felt dumb asking it, so I didn't. Sometimes I feel like he does and then other times I feel like I'm in the way or that he couldn't care less if I was around. I usually mostly feel like he doesn't care. And that's just as of late. He says he does, but we don't seem to be able to talk to each other. Maybe I'm just going through a phase and this is going along with me being sad all the time. Maybe something really is wrong, I don't know.

alice [userpic]

I'm so fucking depressed. I don't even feel like talking about it. I just don't feel good enough. I don't feel good enough for Andrew or for anyone. I sat in my room after I got off the phone with Andrew and cried for a good fifteen or twenty minutes. Awesome, right? I have so many doubts about my relationship with Andrew and about my future that its driving me nuts. I can't take much more of this. In fact, at 11:11 when I usually make one of my "wishes" (because I'm a fucking dork) I wished that I would really die tomorrow. Wow, I need some fucking Prozaccc! Ha, I've pretty much failed at life.

Prom is tomorrow. David is coming to get me at six and our mom's are going to take pictures of us out in my lovely redneck yard. And then we're going to go to Hibriten at 7:15 to have our pictures professionally taken. His mom and my mom are splitting a picture set thing. Then I guess we're going to chill until prom starts at 8:30. Prom ends at around midnight and we're going to go back to his house to watch movies and pig out on pizza. I think I'll probably stay over.

We're getting a female miniature beagle puppy tomorrow. Woooooo!

alice [userpic]

Andrew came by yesterday in his mom's car. :]] We went to Walmart and to Food Lion. Things between us were rough on Sunday. I'm not going to talk about that on here, though. I talked about it on my private livejournal.

I had my hair trimmed and my eyebrows waxed today for prom. We stopped by Fashionbug to look at their purses and necklaces. They had this bulky, white purse that I thought about getting, but mehh. It was too big. I got this necklace and some earrings, though.

I upset mom on the way home. I told her about what I told Andrew on the phone the other night that made him really upset. He was talking about how on Saturday he was going to have to sit and worry about boys hitting on me and such. And I added in that I would probably die too. She got really upset and yelled at me. She told me that she didn't want me to go now. ha.

I still haven't talked to David about prom. I'll call him after he gets off of school. I think mom is wanting to go see Grandma Edna. She was put in the Frye Hospital yesterday. She had a fever and they didn't know what was wrong with her. I might go with her. I don't know.

alice [userpic]

Plans with Caro = :[.
Its not happening. FUCKING RAIN. FUCKING PROMS.

I'm hungryyy. I had the most yummy salad everrrr yesterday from Mcdonalds. I wish I wasn't poor and I had a drivers license. I would have another one.

I guuuuesssss Andrew is going to get his mom to bring him down here since his car is much-o fucked-o. I'm so clever. Anyway, yeah. Maybe go see Silent Hill! Maybe not! I have no idea!

I have to call my gyenocologist to schedule an appointment on Monday. Why the fuck are they open from Monday through Thursday!? What's wrong with Friday!!

I need employment.

My dad was looking at random cars online today because that's just how he rolls. And I saw a super duper pretty awesome sextastic Super Nova. They wanted like thirty-something thousand for it and I told my dad he should get that for my birthday. 8) He pretty much replied, "Oh yeah, I'm so going to cash my checks for a year just to buy you a car like that that you will probably wreck. :DD~" Pshhhk.

Bleh.

alice [userpic]

Andrew and I got into a car accident yesterday. I'm lazy, so I'm not going into details, but this guy started turning in the turning lane while we were like right on him. He was an old guy with an old lady in a truck. No one was hurt, but Andrew's driver door won't really open and his alignment is fucked. He's hoping that its totaled. He wants a new car. It reminded us both of a Dane Cook joke because these people would come out of their houses to look at the wreck. Seriously, the people in the apartments across the road came out and sat on their stoop and people in cars just randomly stopped to check on the old people. Oh well.

Prom is next weekend. I don't have all of the stuff I want yet. I still want a purse, some jewelry, and my eyebrows done. Not too much, I guess. I haven't talked to David. I still don't know how we're getting there. lmao. Awesome, eh?

I'm probably going to stay the day up at Nanny's.

Secretive plans with Carolina start tomorrow. ;]

Man, I need a license.. Who wants to take me to a parkinglot to practice??! :p

alice [userpic]

So it rained for like two fucking seconds. We went to the park anyway. It was fun. Yes, it was fun. Andrew thinks its fucking retarded, but whatever. So what. I had f-u-n. He's fucking mad at me because I gave Elliott a hug. He's always fucking mad at me. Everyone is always fucking mad at me. I can't do anything right for anyone. I don't see the fucking point in doing anything for anyone anymore. Fuck it.

alice [userpic]

I'm hungry. God, what I would do for a pizza. I guess I could warm up some Easter ham from yesterday. But I want pizza. like. so. bad.

I waxed my underarms the other day. The left one has been raw ever since then and I had to tape it up so that it wouldn't touch my shirt or anything because it hurt. :[ Its not as sore. I have a few stray hairs that I have to pluck with tweezers, though. Oh well. HOPEFULLY, it'll last until prom. I hated doing it by myself, I think I made it hurt worse than it should.

I'm waiting on Andrew to call me from his break at work. Blah blah blah. Went to his house yesterday. I was seriously in the worst mood ever and he was being an annoying little butthole. He pinched, hit, poked, etc. I have bruises on my thighs from him pinching me. Pshhh. We came back to my house early, argued on the way to the store, and stayed quiet the rest of the ride to my house. He always feels the need to pick at me over Elliott. Like I'm seriously going to let something happen with Elliott. I barely know Elliott anymore. I don't think that Andrew trusts me at all. That upsets me because he has no reason to not trust me. Bahh, whatever.

I'm hanging out with Elliott today. He IMed me on AIM last night pretty much being like, "we're hanging out tomorrow." I just said okay and gave directions to my house. I'm the worst person ever to get directions from. I don't think we even know what we're going to do. I suggested the park, but I think its too hot out. Fuck that, its raining. Either way, neither of us has money. I told mom I was hanging out with him today and she got all worried. What in the hell? She was like, "does Andrew approve of this?" Uhhh. Well, he said I could, so I guess he approves. But then again, he told me that I had to call him before I left and while we were out. And then she went in to tell me that she would be gone all day (Nanny has surgery today) and that dad might not be home. She acted like I'm going to do something with Elliott. I guess no one trusts me, right? God, if I tell you that I'm not going to do something, I'm not going to do it! People seem to think I'm so darn horrible. I've never cheated on anyone, I don't intend to start now. Nothing is going to happen.

Music BoysNightOut - The First Time It Shouldn't Taste Like Blood
Tags: !oh_arisu, !public, adventure, andrew, elliott
alice [userpic]

Tonight's episode of CSI: sucked. Seriously. Travis Barker was made out to be a fucking rapper and it looked retarded. I only seen him like twice. WHAT THE FUCK. Poop on that.

Andrew came over. :DDDDD~ We hungout here until mom went to get the pizza and then went to Nanny's. We ate and then went to Food Lion to get me more yogurt. We went back up to Nanny's to put it in her fridge because I didn't have a key. Leasa and Gail were still up there and while on the way out the back door, Leasa asked me what size clothes I wear and acted like it was a huge fucking deal when I said seven. I just went out the door without hearing most of it, but whatever. Mom says that she was just saying that that was little (yeah right, whatever. the last time you saw me, you flat out asked me if i had tried dieting yet and that i should stop eating sweets/fastfood/etc) and that she hadn't been that size since 1990-something. Okay, whatever. Fuck her. Seriously, I hate her and Gail both. That might be horrible to the people that don't know them, but yeah. Jessie knows that I'm fucking talking about. They're both fat cows and have no room to talk about anything. I get my feelings hurt too damn often and it hurts even more when people agree with my horrible opinions on my body. Yeah, I think I'm fat. Yeah, I want to start dieting and stop eating shit. Yeah, that's why I stopped drinking softdrinks. Yeah, that's why I walk around hungry when I think I don't deserve to eat or that I've eaten too much. What the fuck ever.

I wish there was a way to shrink my pelvis. I seriously have "baby-making" hips. That's so fucking gross. Does Alice want kids? No. My hips are going to waste, so who wants to trade?

Getting my eyebrows done tomorrow. I guess I could ask Paula about if my underarm hair is long enough. That wax ripped off one of those skin tag things that I have. ha.

Music Brand New - Magazines
Tags: !oh_arisu, !public, andrew, fandom, gail, leasa
alice [userpic]

Today's my little brother's 13th birthday. He got Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, some VideoNow games/movies, Nintendo DS, Animal Crossing: Wild World, a DS accessory kit thing, and some clothes.

I attempted to wax my right underarm. The hair isn't really long enough, so it just made a big mess and made my armpit sticky. The hair has to be 1/4" long. Goddamn.

I bought this cute little thing of eyeshadow that had yellow, green, and orange in it. I thought it would be good for prom in case the makeup I ordered off of eBay doesn't arrive in time. The shit is coming from HongKong, wtf.

Andrew is on his way up here. :DD CSI: is tonight and Travis Barker is on it! Pizza&cake at nanny's around five-ish for Billy's birthday. :]

alice [userpic]

I think that Elizabeth, my female hamster that I got for my 16th birthday, is dying. :'[[ She's the only one I can really handle and pet and play with. The other two will barely let me touch them and she's my favorite. She hasn't really been eating and it seems like she sleeps constantly. Whenever she is up and running around, she's doing this panting-like thing and her eyes are barely open. She's lost so much weight. :[[[ I'm so sad. :'[ I should've expected it since hamsters only have a life expectancy of two years, but still. :[[ :[[ :[[

I went up to Nanny's today and lounged around her house with her and mom. I'm a tad bit worried about my nanny. She has Polycystic Kidney Disease and she has dialysis three days a week. She thinks that her fistula might have clotted and stopped working. :// I don't know, I hope not. But either way, she has dialysis tomorrow and mom told her to call us if she had to go over to the hospital because of it not working. I think kidney disease is one of the reasons I don't want to get old. I think I'll probably have it in the future. Nanny was only 39 (i think) when she had to go on dialysis. Mehh.

Hah, we got on the subject of Andrew and I got made fun of. :| Lol, not really. I just got picked on. Mom pretty much came out and told her that I must like Andrew a lot because I try really hard not to act like I do. She was pretty amused by that. Mmhm. Nanny gave me a bunch of these "sexy" nightgowns/lingerie. ha. very random.

My head still hurts and I'm still sick to my stomach. :[

EDIT: Has anyone else seen this? whatisvictoriassecret.com Hahah.

Music family guy
Tags: !oh_arisu, !public, andrew, nanny, pet issues
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