I've made mistakes. They keep me company. Oh man, what's up with me?
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Alice. 22. Tattooed. Pierced. Boring.

Animation and animanga, Body modification, cooking, gardening / Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Highschool of the Dead, Paradise Kiss, Toukyou Akazukin / Adventure Time, Chowder, Fan Boy and Chum Chum, Good Eats, The Misadventures of Flapjack, Skins, Supernatural, Weeds / John Saul, Stephen King, Poppy Z. Brite, Chuck Palahniuk

April 2013
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alice [userpic]

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alice [userpic]

Alright, I'm hopping on the bandwagon with this "anonymous meme" thing.

Leave me an anonymous comment on this entry. It can be anything; a confession of sorts, a random story, a tip, a funny picture, or just some stupid drama.

Click on "more options" when you post to comment anonymously, or select the "anonymous" option before you comment.

Comments are not screened. Anonymous comment posting is allowed on this entry. IP logging is turned off. There is a possibility of a reply from me. This entry will always be public so feel free to leave more than one comment or just spam the shit out of it.

alice [userpic]

[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy
new eljay!
[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy[livejournal.com profile] ohsquishy

alice [userpic]

i was sick of the old one.
sick of the drama.
this one is all blank and stuff. :]

alice [userpic]

i know exactly where i want to be.
i know exactly where i want to be:
in your bed, lying dead.
will that get your attention sweetie!?
fresh cut wrists and still clenched fists.
am i messing up your sheets?
well, i'll be gone soon.

Music I Am The Avalanche - My Second Restraining Order
Tags: !oh_arisu, !public, lyrics
alice [userpic]


I don't know whats up with me lately, but I feel so irratable. I just keep getting irritated at everyone for anything at all.

My relationship with Andrew seems to be on the rocks. I don't know if he realizes it or not, or if he even thinks that. Knowing him, he probably thinks everything is fine. We always seem mad at each other. I don't know what's happened. I think there have been little things/triggers that have happened that has put a strain on our relationship. First it was me hugging Elliott, then it was him drinking, me going to prom, him yelling at me before prom, and whatever else. I feel a lot differently than I did before. I lost a lot of respect for him when he told me he drank that beer. It might've been one beer, but it still meant something to me. Maybe everyone thinks I overreacted, but I felt betrayed, lied to. It hurt my feelings, made me lose my trust in him, and now I seem to always be irritated at him. Why do I feel so irriated at him? I can't even look at him the same and that bothers me. I held so much respect for him not drinking, I actually kind of bragged about it. I was proud that he didn't do that anymore. It bothered me when he drank before. Now I feel like he doesn't like me as much as he did. We used to just randomly say "I Love You" all the time. For a while, it annoyed the hell out of me because I didn't feel like he meant it, but then he kept saying it and I finally began to believe it and it made me happy. We only say it when we leave each other or we get off the phone. While I was sitting on the phone, I kept thinking of asking him if he still liked me or not. I felt dumb asking it, so I didn't. Sometimes I feel like he does and then other times I feel like I'm in the way or that he couldn't care less if I was around. I usually mostly feel like he doesn't care. And that's just as of late. He says he does, but we don't seem to be able to talk to each other. Maybe I'm just going through a phase and this is going along with me being sad all the time. Maybe something really is wrong, I don't know.

alice [userpic]

edit: fucking pictures arent working. i'll fix this peice of shit later. goddamn.

Hibriten's Senior/Junior 2006 Prom was yesterday. I went with David. While on our way out to take pictures in my FFFFFFFFFFFugly yard, Andrew called and bitched to me about my entry below this one. Needless to say, I yelled/screamed/cursed/etc in front of my mom, dad, David, David's mom, and her boyfriend. If my Nanny had been there, more than likely I would have just told him to fuck off and hungup on him. He pissed me off beyond belief and I'm seriously surprised that I'm even talking to him right now. This arguing and assuming shit has GOT to fucking stop before I call it quits. Anyway, after that huge embarassment, we went outside and snapped a few pictures. My nanny came down a few minutes later with the puppy that this lady had offered her. Its (supposed) to be a miniature beagle. She's so cute. She was overfed yesterday and was flipping fat as hell and had a tummyache. She whines a lot and she loves following us around. My dad wanted a dog to breed his meanass dog, so bleh. We left my house and went to HHS for pictures and to wait for Prom to start. David remembered he forgot the tickets at his house and we had to go back to his house and get them. Then on the way back to HHS, I remembered that I forgot my ID, so when we go to HHS I called my mom and she brought it. We had pictures taken. They were pretty lame. They made us stand like we were dating or something, like with us holding hands. Seriously, people do no fucking listen. I think I blinked too. Wow, I probably ruined a $65 set of photos, eh. We sat outside the school and waited on Prom to start. This girl I was in chorus named Tiffany came up. David reminded her who I was and she remembered me. She said that when she saw me she thought that David had brought some twenty year old with him or something. We stood outside for freaking ever, I froze my tush off. We were like maybe the third couple inside. David didn't know he had to reserve a table, so he didn't and they sat us randomly at a table. We were sat at a table with Andy, Anna, Lindsay, Ryan (I can't remember his last name, but he's Lindsay's boyfriend), and Channing. We smuggled Ahmad over to our table too. They had random little things to eat and I ate the BIGGEST strawberry ever yesterday. It was like the size of an apple, I swearrr! There were a bunch of people who remembered me. Even Mr. Spicer remembered me. I saw Elliott there and go a picture with him. Saw Taylor too. And Eric. I mainly just hungout with Ahmad and David. And unlike most of the kids there, instead of going to an after party (even though we were invited to like 4359437 million and offered rides) and getting plastered, David and I went back to his house and watched Narnia and I stayed the night. Yep, thats pretty much it. I didn't take that many pictures. :\ I wanted to take pictures of the decorations, but they were practically just tinfoil.

edit2: I'm too lazy to actually link the pictures with little captions. All of the prom photos are located here. I'll upload the puppy ones next time.

Tags: !public, pets, prom
alice [userpic]

I hate how we have different priorities in our lives. We have different goals and different futures. I actually want to do something with my life, I don't want to make $8/hr. I want to be able to have the things that I want in life. I want to be able to afford the things I need. I don't want to be like my family and worry about bills and groceries, whether or not we're going to have lights this month or if we're going to be fed. I don't think I'm a bad person for wanting the best in life. I don't think I should be sorry for wanting to go to college and get away from this place. I'm not sorry and I hate to say it, but I don't care what you think about that. If you can't deal with me wanting to go to school and make something out of my life, then you don't support me and I'll leave you behind just like everyone else. I don't want to be like these stupid teenagers that I've seen who think they're going to be eighteen forever, who think they'll be able to live with their parents for the rest of their lives without paying bills, who go out and get plastered every weekend, who smoke crack and weed, who just deal with what they have and don't do anything about their problems. I don't want to live here. I don't want to live with my parents. I hate drinking, its stupid. Intoxication is a waste of fucking time. Kill your fucking body all you want to. I don't care. Waste your life. Sit in a stupid hellhole for the rest of your life. Work the same low paying job for the rest of your life. Drive an ugly peice of crap that'll barely get you to work or to your stupid parties. Spend all of your money on booze, shows, and crack. You only get one fucking life, one body, and if you screw those things up, you're fucked for the rest of your life. My life has been fucked enough, I want to make the most out of my life. I want an education. I don't want to live in Lenoir. I want to go to college and have a career vs a job. I want to be able to buy my own fucking house, my own fucking car, and be able to not have to worry about if my paycheck is going to go to bills or feeding me this week. I don't want to waste my life away. I don't want to work in a grocery store for the rest of my life. Is that so bad? Am I so horrible because I actually have goals? And what makes me so bad that I don't agree with alcohol or drugs? No one has any fucking logic nowadays, I have finally figured that out. I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm better off alone.

alice [userpic]

I'm so fucking depressed. I don't even feel like talking about it. I just don't feel good enough. I don't feel good enough for Andrew or for anyone. I sat in my room after I got off the phone with Andrew and cried for a good fifteen or twenty minutes. Awesome, right? I have so many doubts about my relationship with Andrew and about my future that its driving me nuts. I can't take much more of this. In fact, at 11:11 when I usually make one of my "wishes" (because I'm a fucking dork) I wished that I would really die tomorrow. Wow, I need some fucking Prozaccc! Ha, I've pretty much failed at life.

Prom is tomorrow. David is coming to get me at six and our mom's are going to take pictures of us out in my lovely redneck yard. And then we're going to go to Hibriten at 7:15 to have our pictures professionally taken. His mom and my mom are splitting a picture set thing. Then I guess we're going to chill until prom starts at 8:30. Prom ends at around midnight and we're going to go back to his house to watch movies and pig out on pizza. I think I'll probably stay over.

We're getting a female miniature beagle puppy tomorrow. Woooooo!

alice [userpic]

I want a website again. I started making a layout at 2AM. I want a graphic portfolio. Mmmhm. I need to find a good free host.

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