I feel like such a bitch.

I took my CATS Test today and I couldn't talk to Andrew until after, so I called him when I finished. And like as soon as I got on the phone with him, he called two other people on his cellphone while he was talking to me on his housephone. It set me off because I only talked to him like once on the phone yesterday and that was the first time I had got a chance to call him. But I was quiet about it for a while. He wouldn't talk, he'd just be like "talk to me" and that was it. I kept thinking about how he doesn't like talking to me, no one likes talking to me. Then I started thinking about all these's stupid things that make me feel like a bad person and shit. Like, oh I bet he's already found another girl to leave me for and I bet they talk on the phone all the time. And stupid shit like that. I started crying and he didn't notice until I started getting more angry. I've just been feeling like no one really wants to be around me lately, and just... I have no idea. I feel really horrible about it. Everything he would say on the phone, I would be like "oh, it doesn't matter." I just feel really bad because I don't feel like I'm worth talking to.

I was so upset after that, so I decided to take a shower. I scrubbed my arms until they almost bled. Seriously, I have these little red spots all over my arms. Kind of like rugburn. Yeah. It felt good at the time and got my mind off of how shitty I've been feeling lately.