GODDAMN.
Seriously.

Today wasn't so great.

I've been stressed as hell for several reasons and today it all came crashing down.
Andrew came over and picked me up to take me to his house. Everything was fine. Yeah, I was quite moody for some odd reason. But lately, I've been so emotional that if you were to say anything that I could take the wrong way, I most likely would take it the wrong way and burst into tears. We were standing in the kitchen at his house and something was said and it upset me more than it should have. I don't even know what he said that upset me so much, but I went into his room and laid down. He followed me and got on top of me and started asking me what was wrong. He wouldn't get off of me, I kept telling him that nothing was wrong and that he needed to get off of me. His mom called him into the kitchen and he finally got off of me. He was upset that I wouldn't tell him what was wrong and started cussing and freaking out. He came back in his room and started screaming at me to tell him what was wrong. He sat down and grabbed my wrists and shook me, which made me start crying and sobbing harder. His mom came down the hall and told him to calm down. When he let me go, I put on my shoes and my belt and kept sobbing. I planned to walk down the road to Dustin's or Micheal's and call my mom to come and get me. While he was yelling at me and restraining me, all I could think is how this would end up in a breakup and how I would never talk to him again. Instead, it didn't end up in a breakup. He calmed down and I tried to tell him what's been going on. I failed at that. He apologized and we went to sleep for a while. I woke up with a huge headache and feeling like crap. I finally got him awake and got him to take me home. It really freaked me out when he got upset with me, especially when he grabbed my wrists. I still can't believe that he freaked out on me so badly.

He kept telling me that I needed to tell him when stuff was wrong, that he wanted to know and such. It got me thinking about my past relationships. I've always had a hard time talking to my boyfriends. That was one of the reasons my past relationships all ended. I guess that's why I was afraid to go back out with Andrew.

But if you missed the journal entry where I had all of my little worries/insecurities/etc that have me stressed out, here's a list:
I have schoolwork that I haven't done that's backed up all the way to November; I have my end of the year CATS test in April, which I will most likely fail; I have to take my SATS HAHAHA; I have to schedule placement testing for the college; I still can't drive, I still have no license; our house payment is like two months late, I still have no job, we're close to losing our house for the 897543857487 millionth time; I have a fucking gyenocologist appointment next month, oh joy to the motherfucking world; I can't seem to trust anyone anymore; I don't trust my boyfriend and that hurts both of us; I won't admit that I'm attached to him [even though I am] because I don't want to get hurt again; I've been wondering if this is really going to work or not and after today, I think he doubts me; I CAN'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING RIGHT, seriously; I HAVE NO FRIENDS (seriously, the only people I hangout with are Carolina and Andrew. That's sad.); I still don't know ANYFUCKINGTHING about prom, nothing about my ticket or anything at all!!!; I've been bloated as hell and I feel like shit and I feel fat and I feel sad and I don't have a single peice of clothing without cathair on it and all kinds of shit; I'm VERRRRRRRRRRRRRY worried about my future; I'M FUCKING FAT, REALLY I AM; I'm torn between either moving out when I turn eighteen or staying here until I transfer to a four year college [I don't want to stay here because I hate it here, but if I stay here and become a full-time student I can still be on my dad's health insurance and free rent is kinda cool.]; I'm doubting my plans for school, what if I don't like my classes? What if I change my mind?; and stufffffffffffffffffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to get the fuck out of Lenior for a while. I need to get away. I wish it was summer.