Okay. This is just going to be a small rant/peice of shit. Whatever.( Read more... )

I'm cutting this so you people on my friendslist wont bitch about posts without comments and my bitching about shit that doesnt matter to anyone.

( i dont trust you. )

I fucking hate how I doubt everysinglefuckingthing in my life right now.
I mean, sure, I have my reasons to doubt certain things or people.
But this feeling gets old real quick.

Everything is cool now. No worries.


I don't know who I am.

Or what I'm doing.

Or what I want.

These last few entries have been so planned out. I had everything all planned out. And now, I don't know what is going on. I can't handle anything. I so fucking weak and so fucking tired of everything. I hate who I am and I hate these stupid thoughts in my head. I hate these stupid moodswings and these changes in what I want. I don't know how much more I can take.

I hate how emo this is going.

I can't believe how positive I've been for the last while.

I've never been that positive.

Now I'm back at my all-time low and I hate everything.

I seriously feel like just slitting my wrist wide fucking open because every single person I know is shit. Every single person that I've loved has left me. I think this is utter bullshit coming out of my fingers, but its true. I feel like such a hopeless depressed fucking teenager. Its so stupid. I know all about this psychological shit. I know the statistics. I know that this is just something I'm going through, but this is how I fucking feel.

Every person I've ever met has turned out to be a selfish pig. I hate it. People only talk to me on AIM because they have no one else better to talk to. No one stays with me unless they're tired of being alone or what something from my house. No one calls unless they're just so fucking lonely that they can't help it. I'm a horrible person for thinking these thoughts, but I honestly hate everyone and every single thing that has come into my life. Right now, I really do.

I can't take this.

I just want to get in my mom's shitty car and drive as far as I can or better yet just crash into something while not wearing my seatbelt and go through the windshield. I can't take how I feel right now. I'm shut up in this little room. I litterally shut the door and locked it. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to be here. I don't know how to put it in simpler terms.

What I hate the most is that I say and I felt I FUCKING FELTTTT like I didn't give a shit about someone. Now I keep having these stupid fucking dreams about him and they won't fucking go away. How the hell can a fucking bastard like him break your heart THREE MOTHERFUCKING TIMES? HUH HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?????! I don't get it. I don't. I've blocked him completely out of my life, I tell everyone I fucking hate him. I made my AIM private and deleted his screename. HE CAN'T EVEN SEE ME ON AIM AND I CAN'T SEE HIM EITHER. And YET I still look for his screename to sign on. Everytime someone fucking signs on I have to look and see if its him. Everytime someone calls, I wish it was him. I get fucking disappointed when its not him!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCKK? Better yet is the fact that he hates me as much as I say that I hate him. Even better yet, I shouldn't feel anything for him but hatred since he left me to fuck JUST FUCKKKK FUCK FUCKKK every single person that he's ever met. I just.. I don't know. I don't understand this at all. I want him to get out of my fucking head. I want him to just disappear. I want him gone. I want him out and its so stupid that at the same time I FUCKING MISS HIM AND I STILL FUCKING GIVE A SHIT. And its so stupid but I still give a shit and its even worse that not a fucking HOUR goes by that I don't think ofhim, that something doesn't remind me of him. Every single inch of my house reminds me of this shithead boy that I should fucking despise! But no! I go in my room, I remember him sleeping there. I couldn't even sleep in there for a while! I LIED! It wasn't because my room was so cold! I couldn't stand the thought of the guy that I keep thinking of lying in the same spot as me! I come in here, I remember him sitting with me on the computer or him laying on the bed. I go in the kitchen, I remember him making a fucking sandwich. I go in my PARENTS room, I remember sitting with him. I can't even go outside. I don't get it. I want this feeling to go away. I want to get over it. I want to forget. JUST LET ME FORGETTTT!

Everything is so pointless. I don't want to feel the way I do. I want to be unstoppable. I want to be immortal. I want to not have any feelings at all. I want nothing to phase me! I want to be buried six feet under. I really do.

I need prozac.

If you read this shit, congrats. No cookie for you. And do me a favor, don't you DARE fucking comment on this and try to make me feel better. You are a load of shit if you do this. FUCK YOU.

Mood i need fucking prozac! Music Taking Back Sunday - Eleven Tags: !oh_arisu, !public, !rant, angst, depression

I love how dumb people are. :]
Yes indeed I doooo!
Like, seriously.
It freaks me out how people who just started dating feel compelled to tell each other that they love one another.
ESPECIALLY when you know neither one is telling the truth and that they're both looking for some ass.
NO WONDER people are STD infected.