Murder-Scene.net dies in a few days. I don't know when I'll get a new domain. Probably during the summer when I'm lacking things to do. Well, that's a lie. I'll have a job this summer and then I'll get getting ready for classes in the fall. And trying to move out of this shithole.

David is going to his girlfriend Ashley's house in New Jersey during spring break. I was going to hangout with him yesterday, but I didn't call. I hungout with Andrew for a while. I don't know how things are really going between me and Andrew. He's been yelling at me a lot lately and making me cry. I barely see him. I don't know, maybe I'm just used to seeing my boyfriends like every single day or something. But once or twice a week just plain fucking sucks when that's the only fucking person you talk to or see. Yeah, whatever. Why bother. I bitch, I moan but I do nothing about it, right? I just seriously hate it because half most the time I feel like I'm not worth seeing, like he goes and does things that are better than spending time with me. Like, I'll probably only see him one time this week because he's going to Greensboro and I don't even know why he has to go for that long. He won't and hasn't talked to me about it. (Yeah, wow. Thanks!) I guess I'm just a fucking bitch, maybe I don't need a boyfriend.

I need a purse for prom that will protect my camera from getting killed. Bleh.

Mom says that since dad got put on a different shift at work, he's been bringing home more money. So, she's wanting to go on a little vacation or something. Like the beach or outer banks. I don't know when. And Gail is wanting to go to TN soon to look into getting a check for being part Cheroke. I really hate this place, so anywhere and everywhere we go, I want to go.

To sum up this weekend pretty much:

the good:
Nothing AT ALL.

The bad:
Arguing
Yelling
Crying
No money
No one to hangout with
Feeling like shit
Being stuck in the house
I'm out of yogurt and apple juice
Not seeing Andrew


I hate this. Seriously. I hate distance. I hate that I'm so quiet that it gets me into trouble. I hate how people just assume shit, like I talk to everyone on my buddylist/friendslist. I hate how I miss Andrew so much. I hate how we argue so much. I hate how he feels the need to yell at me sometimes. I hate how I see him about maybe twice a week. I hate how neither of us has money. I hate that I'm such a bitch. I hate thinking about the past. I hate how I have such a hard time trusting Andrew and I just expect everything to be the exact same thing over and over again. I hate not being eighteen. I hate having no friends. I hate not having a drivers license. I hate not having a reliable mode of transportation. I hate being hungry. I hate feeling fat. I hate feeling like I'm not good enough, never going to be good enough.

I hate everything.

I'm cutting this so you people on my friendslist wont bitch about posts without comments and my bitching about shit that doesnt matter to anyone.

( i dont trust you. )